There are many things I don’t easily understand. Religion, politics, Einstein, the Ice Capades and Glee quickly come to mind. And of course I don’t understand people, and most of all I think I’m incapable of understanding women(who make up for 72% of the stupid people in the world). However, at the very top of the list, I stand in awe of NASCAR. I just don’t get it and I don’t know if I ever will.
But I do have a deep respect and appreciation for what it is at face vaLue. At the very least, it’s a spectacle like no other. 43 cars within a fingernail’s reach of each other, travelling at speeds over 150mph with danger always imminent and fans passing out in the stands is something pretty magical. It’s entertainment at it’s finest. Almost just as entertaining as watching the race, is looking around at all the people. Loud shirts with big numbers and 22 different colors, headsets over their ears, beers in their hands all just as happy as a pig in the mud. NASCAR stadiums fill out over 100,000 people and every ticket is at the very least $75.00. NASCAR is a big time money making business. NASCAR knows what it’s doing and they do it well. They have slowly adapted to the times, they use marketability to their favor, they aren’t afraid to insist upon themselves. NASCAR is a continuous goldmine.
The sport is built on the basic premise of catch me if you can. Throw all the questionable strategies out the window and NASCAR is simply about who’s faster and who’s the better driver? When two cars are beside each other, who’s going to win and who’s going to lose. It’s one of the easiest, most basic and purest forms of sports. And it’s something that everyone can somehow relate towards. Whether you were a 16-year old kid in your first car racing from stoplight to stoplight on a Friday night. Or you cherished time working on a car with your father on Sunday afternoons, NASCAR has a piece of Americana that people relate with. It’s also easily accessible. Venues are built to support the masses. If you’re a NASCAR fan and race weekend has come to your town, you will be able to get a ticket.
However, I still don’t get it. I don’t understand the fascination with a bunch of cars making repeated left turns. The strategies are a complete mystery. NASCAR strategy seems to be a lot like normal day-to-day living. You don’t want to run out gas and you don’t want to wreck. If you’re running low on fuel, you make a pit-stop and fill her up. If you notice something isn’t running right, you look under the hood and check the oil. These are the things we do everyday as we commute to and from work, school and the strip club. NASCAR is just a louder, faster version of us. Maybe that’s ultimately why we relate so well.
NASCAR also does a beautiful job with marketing and commercialization. Think about what’s on the cars, and who the sponsors are.
Here are a few examples:
Jamie McMurray sponsored by Bass Pro Shops: McMurray is a good looking guy. Has a good smile, very charismatic and fan friendly. What NASCAR fan doesn’t like Bass Pro Shops? It’s the one stop shop for everything else that’s borderline redneck/country, except they don’t merchandise a domestic beer and teach line-dancing.
Brad Keselowski sponsored by Miller Lite: Super nice guy, one of the ‘young guns’ who will win a championship soon. Keselowski’s only problem is his last name is difficult for the average degenerate NASCAR fan to pronounce and spell. His sponsor however is a can’t miss. Who doesn’t like Miller Lite, especially with the technological breakthrough Vortex bottle?
Kasey Kahne sponsored by Farmer’s Insurance: Who doesn’t need insurance? I wouldn’t be surprised if 25% of the NASCAR audience didn’t have insurance because after 14 DUI’s they eventually got dropped. It’s good to have a reminder circling the track.
Kevin Harvick sponsored by Budweiser and Jimmy John’s: Budwesier makes sense, Jimmy John’s doesn’t. Most every small town across America isn’t going to have a Jimmy John’s. Subway who has Carl Edwards for 6 races makes a lot more sense.
Joey Logano sponsored by Home Depot vs. Jimmy Johnson sponsored by Lowe’s: The ultimate race rivalry juxtaposed with retail rivalry. Not a lot of difference between Lowe’s and Home Depot except the colors and salary compensation for their associates, yet it’s a vicious battle on the pavement.
And the Crown Royal 400 at the Brickyard. No better whiskey to drink after you’ve already been drinking whiskey all day.
I sense that we are missing quite a few potential sponsors. I feel like I could provide a little help, here’s who I would implement into NASCAR.
Trojan condoms: Sometimes people need a reminder that safe sex is an OK thing. And sometimes it actually works. No need to add another child to a family that already has six babies before the age of six. After all the trailer only has two bedrooms and one bath.
Crest toothpaste Let’s either start brushing our teeth, or negate the act from smiling. Whatever Billy Bob Bubba Johhny Ray just said probably wasn’t that funny. And nothing good comes from years of excessive meth and moonshine consumption.
The word “diet.” Your wife might’ve been cute when she was 15, but 15lbs per month for 15 years after 15 pregnancies hasn’t quite helped maintain her gorgeous good looks. Not every meal has to be an afternoon and evening at the Golden Corral buffet.
Nike: We desperately need a big swoosh on the both sides of a car with a black driver to help move the sport into a new era of excitement. Sports are always better when a black person dominates. Think about golf. Before Tiger, golf was just a bunch of well-to-do cigar smoking clubhouse pricks yucking it up and being racists, thank you Tiger for a much needed transformation. You’ve accepted Darius Rucker as a breakthrough country artist, it’s time to embrace the idea of a black NASCAR driver.
NASCAR will continue to become one of the fastest growing sports if they continue to do what works. Change isn’t a bad thing. NASCAR has worked very hard to change over the years and some things have worked and others have not. The ‘Chase’ playoffs structure doesn’t seem to work in my eyes, but that’s another topic for another day. Until then, it’s time to get excited about the Daytona 500 and the start of the 2012 NASCAR season.